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If you’re too sexy but still alone, look no further than an ugly man. There ten very good reasons why you should date an ugly man.

If you are one of the beautiful people but always find yourself alone, there may be a reason for it. You’ve been telling yourself for years that the reason you still aren’t in a relationship is because you are just too good looking. Your good looks are too much for someone to handle. I’m here to tell you that you are absolutely right. You are too good looking to date other good looking people: but you are primed to date ugly guys. Here are reasons why a gorgeous woman like you should date an ugly man:

He would never cheat on you

If you date an ugly man, he will be so happy that the thought of cheating on you would never occur to him. He would rather cut off his own arm with a rusty chainsaw then ever look at another woman again. He’s already bagged the perfect woman! Cheating is for people who are pretty. Your ugly man will never be unhappy; why should he? He’s got you, babe!

There are a lot of ugly men.

They’re everywhere. Ugly men outnumber gorgeous women at least a thousand to one. You will have your pick of the most eligible ugly guys. You can even have a bevy of un-handsome honeys at your beck and call; one unattractive guy for every day of the week. What could be better?

The ugliest man in the room is usually the richest man in the room.

Show me a good looking man and I’ll show you a dead broke man. Ugly men have money. They have been saving up their pennies for the day you come to your senses and recognize that they exist. On that glorious day, they will shower you with expensive gifts, trips, and negotiable bonds. Financialsecurity is just one ugly man away.

Ugly men are sexual gods!

When you deal with an ugly man, he will do anything to please you, especially in the bedroom. He has been practicing alone for years and he is now more than ready to give you his all. He will have little to no experience but what he lacks in finesse he will make up with lots of enthusiasm. He wouldn’t want an enthusiastic, unselfish lover? Just make sure you keep the lights off.

He’ll do anything you say

If you are the type of woman that needs a man to listen and obey; then an ugly man is just what you need. Ugly men have been bossed around their entire life so they will welcome your sexy direction. Actually, if you don’t boss them around, they’ll be unhappy. You don’t want your ugly man unhappy, do you?

An ugly man would give his life for you

Your ugly man would never want to lose you. If you happen to be in danger, he will immediately jump in to save your life. He will be like your own personal bodyguard. And if by chance your ugly man meets an unfortunate end, there are many more ugly men where he came from. You should also make sure that your ugly man has the same blood type as you do; ugly men have no problem donating the odd kidney or section of liver to help their best girl out.

Ugly men are technical marvels

Having trouble with your broadband connection? Want to save money by filing your own taxes? Well, look no further than your local ugly man. Since he’s been unattractive for as long as he can remember, he’s spent years working his mind. Now, that mind can be available to you. He’ll hook up all your technical stuff for your home and make sure that you will always have the latest gadget. The one possible drawback is that if you want to get rid of him, he might be the only one who knows how to turn on your TV, so be forewarned.

If you want to dump him, he’ll understand

How many times have you tried to get rid of a guy but he just wouldn’t get the message? At least with an ugly guy, he’ll expect you to dump him so he’ll fade away quietly without any problem. No more messy breakups! He might go off and cry somewhere, but he’ll do it quietly in his mother’s basement far from you. As an added bonus, he will remember you always with a very nice shrine dedicated to your memory. It’s like having your own fan club!

He’ll have good-looking guy friend you can cheat on him with

Ugly guys always have at least one cute friend. Hooking up with your ugly man’s hot friend is great because if for some reason you get caught, your ugly man will forgive you and blame himself for not being the kind of man that you deserve. His dedication to you would increase ten-fold.

Even after you break his heart, he’ll still come running

When you eventually get tired of making your ugly man walk behind you so no one sees you together, when you get tired of making your ugly man wear a paper bag over his head during sex and get rid of him, no matter what, he’ll come back on your slightest whim. Ugly men have no concept of pride. You can curse out his beloved mother, spit in his face and/or max out his credit card-it doesn’t matter to your ugly man. Any sin can be forgiven in his loving yet ugly eyes. Remember; you’re gorgeous!

This list is satire and should be seen as a humorous take on the kind of woman who thinks the reason they haven’t found true love has to do with their outward appearance. No one is perfect; every one of us has faults. In a relationship, a person needs to be able to appreciate someone other than themselves. You can’t do that if you’re stuck in a mirror.

Angelita DeBois

:) :)