Lawyers are the true most people on Earth. Ha ha ha. Sorry, we are not allowed to lie publically. But these jokes are truly hilarious.
The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile.

Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.

Remember, when you gotta cuff 'em ..nobody is your friend.

If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.

Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second?(if you aren't a shooter, that is the average speed of a 9mm projectile (slug)).

So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?

Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?

Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.

The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?

God made tomorrow for the crooks we don't catch today.

Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.

Law abiding citizens sleep peacefully in their beds, solely because dedicated men and women stand ready to do violence in their behalf.

In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.

In God we trust, all others are suspects.

Just how big were those two beers?

No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want.

Law enforcement is not a spectator sport.

I know, I know, your kid is an honor student at the juvenile detention center.

I'm glad to hear the chief of police is a good, personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail.