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Here are some pretty heartless things to say to a woman in dressing rooms...

That's a bit expensive just for a dare isn't it?

I saw a dress just like that one in Woolworths yesterday.

Hey, get out of here you filthy pervert! Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were a man...

I had a dress like that. My boyfriend made me throw it away because he said it made me look like Edna Everage.

Pardon me, but I think that will clash terribly with your pimples...

Excuse me, but would you stop staring at me? Yes, YOU

Look, if you're that desperate to attract a man I'll fix you up myself

Excuse me for asking, but you seem to know something I don't. Is the plain, severe and drab' look in this season?

Size 12? That's a bit optimistic isn't it?

Hi, I'm from Weightwatchers...

I wouldn't buy that dress if I were you. All it does is accentuate your roots

Excuse me, but since you're obviously colourblind would you like any help?

Isn't it funny how some clothes just accentuate the tummy like that?

God, you're fat. Don't you care about yourself?

I'm sorry, I owe you an apology. I'm the store detective and I followed you in here because I thought you'd stuffed six dresses, four skirts and a raincoat up your jumper but I can see now that it's really all you.