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Introduction

This poem is a short tale of a teenage guy who gets caught in a girl's knicker drawer at a party, and his explanation as to why he is there.

She Caught Me in Her Knicker Drawer

She caught me in her knicker drawer,
I woulda run, but she blocked the door.
This awkward scenario I hadn't planned,
Caught with her knickers in my hand,

And with a pair upon my head,
Jumping up and down on her bed.
As she stood there, at the door,
I saw her bottom jaw hit the floor.

Then she started to grind her teeth,
Caught red-handed: a knicker thief!
Now, the girl whose room I was in,
Was a well-built sort, threw the javelin.

And she didn't just do it for a bit of fun,
She was the county's number one.
With little effort she could knock me out,
There really wasn't any doubt!

Slowly and calmly she closed the door,
And prepared to knock me on the floor.
As she approached to give me a slap,
I thought: 'Oh God, Oh Christ, Oh Crap!'

There I was, wearing her bra,
I admit I looked a bit bizarre.
I cowered down upon her bed,
Ready to be smacked in the head.

In desperation I said, "I'll explain,"
"I couldn't help it, you drive me insane."
Suddenly her raised fist dropped,
She slowed right down, then she stopped.

In the position I found myself in,
I'd have to talk to save my skin.
So I gave a grieving confession,
I told her I had a knicker obsession!

And so to avoid such grievious pain,
I took off her bra and began to explain:
"Now please don't give me a thick ear,
But you happen to have a very nice rear.

It really is a lovely sight,
But I haven't been staring at it ALL night.
I'll admit I had a few sneaky peeks,
But that mini-skirt almost shows your cheeks!

and as it's white and a little see-through,
Not many could ignore such a fine view!
And as for that pink g-string,
That should be illegal that thing!

Being perfectly rounded and perfectly sized,
Your backside had me hypnotised.
It didn't even take much beer,
For me to notice your lovely rear!

I have to tell you love: you're blessed,
As the night went on I grew obsessed!
Then I realised I HAD gone too far,
But, like a magnet, I was drawn to your bra!

Now there really was little doubt,
The way you were dancing, they nearly popped out!
It really is an amazing thing,
How that material holds 'em in.

And that pinkish colour looks really good,
It clearly does the job it should!
I know how they can sometimes slide,
And you girls have got your bits to hide.

So, staring at your bum and chest,
You can tell, I got a bit obsessed!
And as you moved across the dance-floor,
I felt a pulling from your knicker drawer."

Now I know I hadn't done it quite right,
But I'd kinda said she looked nice tonight!
To save myself what really mattered,
Was for her to feel somewhat flattered.

A minute went by, nothing was said,
I took her knickers off my head.
An ugly silence had got in the way,
I didn't know quite what to say.

I clambered down from off her bed,
And said the first thing that popped in my head:
"Fancy a game of hiding seek?"
"No I don't you bloody Freak!!"

Then she chucked a book at me,
She suddenly seemed quite angry.
"Get out of my room, Get out of my house!
And give me my briefs, you dirty louse!

I want to know with who you came,
And for starts you can give me your name!"
"O.K. sure, I'm Alan Philpott,
I came in with the Bracknell lot."

"Well, frankly Alan, you're an absolute sh*t,
And I'm telling everyone you're a perving git!
I know your twisted little game,
I'll make sure everyone knows your name!

That way all the girls will make sure,
You don't get your hands in their knicker drawer!"
Not waiting to stay and be insulted,
I jumped out of the window, and quickly bolted.

I wasn't going to wait around,
To have my head smashed on the ground!
I ran away at terrific pace,
Not letting anyone see my face.

My mates woulda been in for a shock,
And I'd have been a laughing stock.
The girls would all have given me stick,
They'd call me pervy, weird and sick!

That reputation could really hurt,
To have your name thought of as dirt.
To be seen as a pervert would be a real shame,
I WOULDN'T have that slur on my name,

If my names not Alan Philpott,
Which, of course, it's bloody not!

Copyright: Andrew Mee
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