Lawyers are the true most people on Earth. Ha ha ha. Sorry, we are not allowed to lie publically. But these jokes are truly hilarious.
A judge asked a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a school teacher with a chainsaw."

From out in the audience a man shouted, "Lying Pig!"

"Silence in the court!" the judge shouted back to the man.

He turned to the defendant and said, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."

"Mongrel!" yelled the man again.

"Quiet!" yelled the judge who continued, "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."

"Son of a..." the man started to shout when the judge thundered back, "If you don't tell me reason for your outbursts right now, I will hold you in contempt of court!"

So the man answered, "I've lived next to that man for ten years now, but he never had a tool when I needed to borrow one!”

:) :)
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