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Phrase: I'm extremely adept at all manners of office organization.
Meaning: I've used Microsoft Office.

Phrase: I'm honest, hard-working and dependable.
Meaning: I pilfer office supplies.

Phrase: I take pride in my work.
Meaning: I blame others for any mistakes.

Phrase: I'm personable.
Meaning: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

Phrase: I am very adaptable.
Meaning: I've changed jobs a lot.

Phrase: I am on the go.
Meaning: I'm never at my desk.

Phrase: I'm highly motivated to succeed.
Meaning: The minute I find a better job, I'm outta here.