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I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives.

Some doctor on teleivision this morning said that the way to achieve Inner Peace is to finish all the things you have started.

So, I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Scotch, a bottle of shhhardonay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of vocka, a pockage of Prunglies, tha remainder of bot Prozac and Valium scriptins, the res of the Cheses cake an a box a chocolets.

Yu haf no idr who fkin gud I fel.
Peas sen dis orn to dem yu fee AR in ned ov inr pece. Hic!