Lawyers are the true most people on Earth. Ha ha ha. Sorry, we are not allowed to lie publically. But these jokes are truly hilarious.
"I have good news and bad news," the defense lawyer says to his client.

"What's the bad news?"

The lawyer says, "Your blood matches the DNA found at the murder scene."

"Dammit!" cries the client. "What's the good news?"

"Well," the lawyer says, "Your cholesterol is down to 140."
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