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Competitive salary: We pay less than our competitors.

Join our fast-paced company: We have no time to train you.

Casual work atmosphere: We don't pay enough to expect you to dress up.

Must be deadline-oriented: You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

Some overtime required: Some overtime each night and each weekend.

Duties will vary: Anyone in the office can boss you around.

Must have an eye for detail: We have no quality control.

Career-minded: Female applicants must be childless (and stay that way).

Apply in person: If you're old, fat or ugly, you'll be told the position has been filled.

No phonecalls please: We've filled the job, our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

Seeking candidates with a variety of work experiences: You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

Problem-solving skills a must: You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

Requires team leadership skills: You'll have the responsibilities of a manager without the pay or respect.

Good communications skills: Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.